Monday, June 19, 2006
Good evening Ladies, Gentlemen, and Distinguished Guests, and welcome to this most auspicious occasion; we are most glad to have you be a part of what will certainly be the most honorable and memorable event in this blog's history. We have just been informed that Her Royal Highness, Her Majesty, Elizabeth II by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, and Defender of the Faith, will be visiting our blog later on this evening, and we of course are awestruck by this event more than words can express.
We do not know exactly when Her Majesty will be surfing in, but we expect to have regular updates from her Social Staff during the course of the evening, and will keep you informed as to when we can expect the Right Royal Event to begin. The Social Staff have presented us with instructions on protocol for the expected visit, and we ask you to behave as you normally would, unless of course Her Majesty should wish to Post Comment, in which case naturally all will pray fall silent for the Royal Utterance and under no circumstances, obviously, flame Her.
In the meantime, we ourselves here at worldwierdweb shall be continuing our normal blogging programme in suchforth and same manner as that to which we have normally become accustomed, and deviating not one whit from the usual form and factor of such social commentary for which we are revered. To thus end, thou cans't expect during this eveningtide, amongst other notable dictations, a Compleat Analysis of the Life & Workes of William Shakespeare, and a Recital by the London Philharmonic Orchestra of Handel's Messiah in Conjunction With The Welsh Men's Choir. So until such time as we hear more of the Royal Schedule, we bid thee adieu and pray continue with thy perusal of our usual fare.
Update 12:42 am
We've just received this telegram from our liaison reporter, Pepper Rassi, at the Palace:
HER MAJESTY CURRENTLY ON MINICLIP DOT COM PLAYING PIN THE TAIL ON PRINCESS ANNE STOP LIKELY TO BE THERE SOON STOP WILL KEEP YOU POSTED STOP
Update 12:47 am
Pepper Rassi reports again by telegram:
QE 2ND FINISHED AT MINICLIP BUT DELAYED BY BANNER AD STOP CURRENTLY ENTERING DRAW FOR US GREEN CARD STOP PALACE SOCIAL STAFF SAY EXPECT HM AROUND ONE FIFTEEN STOP
Update 1:10 am
HER MAJESTY UPDATING HER OWN BLOG AT ONE IS THE QUEEN OF THE WHOLE WORLD SO THERE DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM STOP EXPECTED TO VISIT WORLD WIERD WEB DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM IMMINENTLY STOP
Update 1:13 am
Ladies and Gentleman, we have just heard from the Palace Social Staff that Her Majesty is just this very moment typing the URL of worldwierdweb into her browser's address bar and will be entering the blog at any moment now. We ask that you pause any music you may have playing in your room so that her Majesty may Browse our blog in peace. In a moment we will be singing 'God Save the Queen' as a welcome for Her Majesty, and we ask that wherever you are in the world, you stand up, remove your hat and join in with a loud voice this tribute to Her. Her Majesty is now…
Oh dear, we've just received a phone call from the Palace Social Staff, and it seems that the moment Her Majesty entered our blog, the screen froze up and rather than reset the computer, she has decided to go to bed. For those interested in following in Her Royal Footsteps, we are told she is using Windows XP Pro on a Dell Inspiron 1300.
Well quite a disappointment there, and we've been told by Her Social Staff that as she has a very busy calendar, its unlikely the Visit can be rescheduled at any time in the near future. I can't express how disappointed we are here at worldwierdweb over this ironic twist of fate.
We leave you tonight with one last update from Pepper Rassi, our reporter on the spot (or hiding up a tree) at the Palace:
HER MAJESTY JUST FINISHED IN THRONE ROOM STOP USES COLGATE TOOTHPASTE AND SORBENT BATHROOM TISSUE STOP WEARING PINK NIGHTDRESS WITH WHITE FRILLS ON SLEEVES TAKING OUT FALSE TEETH NOW STOP FLUFFING PILLOW STOP LIGHT OUT NOW STOP
Her Majesty's blog
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