Saturday, July 01, 2006

Fraud from Snowy River

All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far, had mustered at the homestead overnight, for the bushmen love hard riding where the wild bush horses are, and the stock-horse snuffs the battle with delight. And the man from Snowy River? That legend of Australian horsemanship? Through the stringy barks and saplings, on the rough and broken ground, down the hillside at a racing pace he went; and he never drew the bridle till he landed safe and sound, at the bottom of that terrible descent. Yes, to this very day, where around the Overflow the reedbeds sweep and sway to the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide, the man from Snowy River is a household word today, and the stockmen tell the story of his ride.

Except he was a fraud! Yes, the terrible truth is out, for the researchers here at WorldWierdWeb have uncovered just how he was able to make that legendary steep descent. Using lodestones, the so-called legend simply magnetized the iron horse-shoes of his mount! Modern satellite photography reveals the mountainside to be almost solid iron ore. The horseshoes clung to the slope like glue, as the two photos below, taken by another rider on that day and only recently found, prove.

Oh yes, there was movement at the Station, for the word had got around, that all the gullible stockmen had been fooled, and all the men and drovers gathered feathers whips and tar, for their warmth toward the 'Legend' had been cooled…

The Man from Snowy River
The Man from Ironbark
Mulga Bill's Bicycle

No Dams!

Water exists to run free - to fly amongst the clouds as vapour, or to plunge into a rapid stream and frolic its way to join the rest of its kind in the oceans, or perhaps take a more sedate pace as part of a great migrating river. But the sad truth is that all across Australia, millions of litres of water are being held prisoner. In dams hidden down in the farm valleys, in corrugated tanks tucked out of sight behind houses, even in bottles, locked in refrigerated chests. Some water is tortured by being made to wash away human sewerage, or by being frozen in special trays until it turns solid. In industrial areas, humans attempt to poison the waters with chemical waste, and country-wide, humans actually ingest the peaceful liquids. The time has come to put a stop to this sadistic torture and to return the water to the wild. This is why WaterPeace is embarking on a campaign of dynamiting dams wherever and whenever it finds them. You can help the cause, too. Whenever you see water being contained, free it. Remove the lids from bottles, blow up dams, and swear that from today, you will not drink any more. The waters cannot do it themselves. They need your help!

Here lies the body of Willie Smith,
the boy who, alas, is no more;
He thought what he drank was H2O
But it was H2SO4!

UNESCO Water Facts
NPS River and Water Facts
Water - Every Drop Counts
Tasmanian Wilderness Society Franklin River Campaign

Friday, June 30, 2006

Letter from Africa

OK we makin a ricket on de Peace Corpse lot, turn out dey ain't de advance guard o' de 17th/21st Nigerian Light Horse wid big eyes on de radio station an' de late Indian supermarkets, an' dey ain't Israelis, neither, so what? Don't mean they ain't subversives, comin' down here an' interferin' wid de smoothe runnin' o' de Dark Continent, an' it don't mean dey ain't marines, neither, can't let a load o' marines slip through de net jus' on account o' they got de American passport, you think de Adolf Hitler wot already bin pubberlickly admired by me woulda got to de top if he botherin' readin' every bit o' paper wot land on 'is desk? Sit aroun' readin' six million passports, before you know it de oven gone out, Second Front openin' an' you never gittin' around to de 'orrible bit. All de top SS men, you spend a fortune on de trainin' an' flash uniforms etcetera, all standin' aroun' lookin' at de watches wonderin' why no-one turnin' up, ain't no way to run a progressive country.

Got no time for de Peace Corpse. Load o' freakies only comin' over here on account of we growin' de good stuff, couple o' deep puffs, feel like your head got legs. Soon as dey finished, dey starts bombin' roun' de countryside tryin' to pull de good works, gittin' de people all confused wid de irrigation schemes an' de intensive dairyfarmin' an' followin' 'em roun' wid de tape recorders tryin' to grab fust rights on de folk songs, before you know it, everybody sittin' roun' on de groun' shoutin' crap like "We all brudders, yeah, yeah, we into de peace bag, man, everybody gittin' to love one anudder, dat de way it is, we ain't gonna be moved, black an' white together, wow, heavy, man, and so forth." Fat lotta use, who de hell want de peace stuff, gimme de Gaddafi way, he comin' over here with de Kalachnikov 9mm machine gun in de brown carrier bag an' he showin' everyone how you blows a head off at five hunnerd yards, dat de sort o' foreign aid we lookin' for. Where Africa gonna be, everyone sittin' roun' on de bum an' lookin' at de artesian wells, all it git you is a load o' long grass. Ain't no use havin' long grass unless you gonna creep through it wid a view to puttin' in de bayonet. How else you gonna rule de worl' What I want to know is, wot Unca Sam done wid de half million soldiers he pullin' outa Vietnam, also guns, tanks, choppers, Phantoms, bombs, etcetera? All we gittin' is a lotta Harvard rubbish in de granny glasses wid de hair on de shoulders goin' round shovin' test tubes in our cows an' knockin' 'em up. Ain't no way to build a empire.

Collected Bulletins of President Idi Amin

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Ogle Beta Announced

Click on the picture above for a better view

The guys at Ogle have finally acknowledged what everyone really uses ImageSearch for. Its still in the beta stage of course (what Ogle service isn't?) but we've got a snapshot of the main screen here, which as you can see doesn't differ much from the standard ImageSearch. Also announced were replacements to the "Did you mean…" algorithms when you type something wrongly. In future, instead of suggesting something, Ogle will automatically forward you to Cookies will keep track of how many typing mistakes you make, and if you reach a yet-to-be-determined threshold, your IP will be banned from Ogle until you have reached a competent standard in OgleLearnToTypeYouMoron, soon to be released as well. Don't forget to check out GoodleNews, the news service which only lists good news.

Goodle News - news with only the good stories included

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Quake at the Smog

The thing about Los Angeles that I find very strange is that they have these smog alerts, and they recommend you stay indoors. Wouldn't you think that the air in the house comes from outside anyway? I mean I rang a friend there and had him go right through the place, he found the gas pipe, the electrical wiring, the water pipes - but nowhere did he find any air pipes. He checked his utility bill to be sure, and he wasn't charged for any air, but its only a matter of time before the City corrects that oversight! But for now, isn't it weird that they can say to their kids, "C'mon, I want you to get some fresh air! Everyone inside!"

Los Angeles and San Francisco are moving towards each other at a rate of 1/5 inch per year. It wouldn't surprise me to find that the City has no real plan for handling the 'Big One' but has already worked out who will be in charge of what borough and which of them gets the taxes, when the two cities do finally meet.

Someday soon, the San Andreas Fault is going to open up like the world's most accurate fortune cookie. There'll be thick noxious clouds of sulphurous smoke, foul choking dust from the depths of volcanic hell. The ground will cave in and the 'Lower Side' of town will be about 3 miles 'lower'. And all the radio will say is "Heavier than usual smog alert today, folks, and watch out for those new pot-holes on Main, that first one's a doozy." You've got the San Andreas fault, Owens Valley fault, Garlock fault, Banning fault, San Jacinto fault, the Pinto Mountain fault… in fact, over 230 different faults in the area. Why hasn't anyone marked this state 'Return to Manufacturer'? I mean come on, its faulty. Head down to your local church and tell the priest you want it fixed!

According to the Southern California Earthquake Data Center, the last major ruptures were in 1857 and 1906, and the mean interval between major ruptures is 100-150 years. Sleep well everybody!

Southern California Earthquake Data Center
A long and complete list of faults in the area

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Of Interest

Do you know that 'bird flu' was discovered in Vietnam 9 years ago? That barely 100 people have died in the whole world in all that time? That TAMIFLU is supposed to be a preventative? That TAMIFLU barely alleviates symptoms of the common flu? That its efficacy against flu is questioned by a great part of the scientific community? That against a supposed mutant virus such as H5N1, TAMIFLU barely alleviates the illness? That to date Avian Flu affects ONLY birds?

Do you know who markets TAMIFLU? Roche Laboratories.
Who bought the patent for TAMIFLU from Roche the year bird flu was discovered? Gilead Sciences.
Who was the president of Gilead and remains a major shareholder? DONALD RUMSFELD, Secretary of Defence of the USA.
Do you know that sales of TAMIFLU were over $254 million in 2004 and more than $1000 million in 2005?

Urban legends site
The Tamiflu story

Monday, June 26, 2006

John Howard Interview

World Wierd Web was fortunate enough during the week to be able to interview Australian Prime Minister John Howard, following rumours that he had been sacked from the Liberal Party (reported on Comedy Inc on Wednesday night).

Mr Howard, thanks for joining us.
No worries mate.
Why did your second-in-command sack you yesterday?
Well, he's short a couple of kangaroos in the top paddock.
Come again?
He's a few bricks short of a backyard BBQ mate.
You mean he's stupid?
That's what I just said. The lights are on but no-one's home. Sounds like you could do with an answering machine yourself in that regard, mate.
You're saying I'm stupid too?
Well if the thong fits… anyway why are you making such a fuss about it, it happens all the time.
The last time a Prime Minister was sacked was 1975.
Like I said, all the time.
Why DID you get sacked?
Ah well apparently everyone else joined the Liberal Party because they thought it was some sort of drunken free-love get-together, and I wouldn't let them have enough fun.
DID you ever have fun in the Party?
Yeah sure, we introduced that new Industrial Relations legislation last year that means no-one has any rights any more... that was a good one.
Will you be appealing your sacking?
No, I can't.
Why not?
Well cause we introduced this new Industrial Relations legislation last year…
Oh yes, I see the problem. Well what are you going to do now?
Go on the dole mate.
Unemployment benefits? Will you be able to live on that considering you're used to a $112,000 a year salary plus about twice that in Allowances?
Well I haven't checked how much the dole is yet but our Policies say its enough to live on so I figure it must be close.
It's $10,000 per year.
Yeah good one mate, no-one could live on that. Average rent in Canberra is gonna cost me $13,000 a year! You should join the Liberal party with a sense of humour like yours.
Why do you mention renting a place. Aren't you married?
Well I was, but she left me yesterday.
How come?
Well we passed Legislation banning same-sex marriages.
But she's a woman and you're a man, what's that got to do with anything?
Dunno, but she got mad when we passed it and went to stay with her friend Lola. She spends quite a bit of time with Lola.
You don't think she might be a lesbian?
No, she was born here in Australia. She's never even been to Lesbia.
Where is Lesbia?
I don't know. Ask the Navy.
I can't, they're all up north patrolling our borders. Why the increased presence up there?
Because we don't trust the Chinese. They're making nuclear weapons flat out like a lizard drinking.
Where are they getting the uranium?
Australia's selling it to them.
For money of course, why else do you sell something?
But what about the nuclear weapons?
Oh, they're not making them from our uranium - that's for power plants… I think.
Can't you ring them and find out for sure?
Well I tried, but the phones aren't working too well these days.
Why not?
Because we sold off Telstra to private enterprise and the only way they can make a profit is to not do maintenance.
Aren't they talking about installing completely new high-speed infrastructure throughout Australia?
Yes absolutely.
But they can't afford to even maintain what they've already got?
That's right.
Then how will they be able to afford it?
Not sure, you'd have to ask the Treasurer that. Give him a call after the interview, his tin number is 12.
You mean his phone number?
No, tins with tight string between them. We installed them throughout Parliament House, work heaps better than the phones.
What direction do you think the Liberal Party will take now that you're not their Leader any more?
Oh, dunno really. Probably have more drunken free-love parties.
Doesn't that worry you?
No, if they want to adopt the Labor Party's Code of Behaviour that's their business now.
Mr Howard, thanks for your time.
No worries mate… listen you couldn't spot me a hundred or two could you, I'm a bit short until I get to the dole office on Monday?
Actually I have nothing on me at the moment. Can't you borrow some from one of your ex-Party mates? There's the Treasurer now…
HIM!? He's never got any money!
Why not?
Slips through his fingers like sand through a duck's back, mate. Can't budget. Hopeless with money!
But he's the Australian Treasurer!
Yeah, but he's lousy with money.
Then why is he Treasurer!?
Well he's a lot of fun at the drunken free-love parties.
Mr Howard, we really must end there. Good luck in the future.
Yeah thanks… look are you sure you haven't got anything on you…?

Official Site of the Prime Minister
National 'John Howard Day' Proposed

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Debating Creation

Ok the gauntlet has been thrown down and the challenge opened. Some comments on got me thinking about which of the two alternatives, evolution or creation, I believe and why. So I opened a challenge, throw me any argument in favor of evolution and I will see what I can dig up for or against it. Just leave a comment to this post. Hit me with your best shot, people!

Link Comments Page

Message in a Bottle

I went for a walk along Cliché Beach this afternoon and was lucky enough to find a bottle with a message in it! The note inside read…

Hello, this is Harold Holt, the Australian Prime Minister who disappeared without a trace when I went swimming at Cheviot Beach in 1967. I wasn't kidnapped by aliens or smuggled aboard a Chinese submarine, I accidentally fell down a deep hole in the floor of the ocean and couldn't find my way up again because the Liberal Party didn't have a Policy on it. I have been trapped down here in the middle of the earth for almost 40 years. Can you please tell those Russian guys who were digging a really really really deep hole to hurry up a bit as I can't hold my breath for much longer. When I get out can I please be Prime Minister still, only I never resigned you know so its not fair someone else doing it while I was otherwise occupied, that's cheating that is. If there is someone else who thinks he is Prime Minister I will meet him and his friends behind the changerooms after Parliament and sort it out man to man.

The Harold Holt mystery
Deep hole project