Saturday, June 17, 2006

Kids Grounded

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of… kids!?

They warned me they were bored. I knew they'd had too much red cordial to drink. I thought I could control them. I even sent them to their room with nothing but a Bible to read, so they couldn't get into any trouble.

How was I to know they would turn straight to Exodus? Read about how Moses parted the Red Sea so the Children of Israel could escape from Egypt? Carefully read it step-by-step until they had worked out exactly what to do?

Tearing up their handkerchiefs and tying the pieces together to escape out the window, they headed for the local Bikie's Club and stole a couple of Harleys (I haven't even offered to pay the owners for the bikes yet, I'm too afraid to go near the Clubrooms!) They headed for the beach, where Kaitlyn calmly proceeded to part the waters of Bass Straight, then tore off to ride the 120 km to Melbourne. As soon as they arrived they ditched the bikes and starting toppling buildings over by kicking their foundations, and in the case of a particularly large skyscraper, by eating lots of cans of baked beans and farting the building down! Then they began to set fire to everything in sight!

I took off after them as soon as the Premier of Victoria rang me to say they were 'at it again' (it's happened before, up in Newcastle - we managed to convince the media at the time that it was an earthquake). I got halfway over the Strait when the kids realised I was coming and UN-parted the seas so I had to swim the rest of the way!

I finally managed to catch them and get the red cordial out of their system by giving them Happy Meals until they vomited (it took one meal each, not surprisingly), told them to have everything fixed and cleaned up before anyone that lived there noticed, and went to apologise to the Premier. Needless to say as soon as my back was turned the kids skived off home to play Playstation games, and when the sun came up this morning, Melbourne looked like the last photo at right. Strangely though, no-one in Melbourne noticed anything was different.

So that's why the kids are grounded. Not a word of a lie.

Stop 'medicalizing' bad behavior


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