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Quite a few years ago, I bought Apple G3 'Wall St' laptops for my kids. They had a lot of fun with them, and then the power supplies packed it in on both of them. Every now and then I sourced replacement power supplies, but they were so expensive in relation to the decreasing value of the computers that they just weren't worth buying. That is, until yesterday, when I thought 'hang the expense' and ordered one from a supplier I found on the web - mobilepower.com.au

I ordered the replacement power supply from them yesterday at 3:17 pm. It came, from another state of Australia, in this morning's mail. That's damn good service by any account, but when you consider that I had previously sourced the power supplies elsewhere at $135 plus $15 freight, and that MobilePower charged me just $105 including freight, it's incredible. And did I mention that they supply power supplies for just about every brand and breed of laptop ever?

Let's sum it up with a score table:
Product Range = 10/10 Speed of Delivery = 10/10 Pricing = 10/10

What more could you ask for? Dust off your old laptops and head over to their website today - this is one company that really deserves your business. And thanks a heap, MobilePower. You can expect me to order another one for the second G3 laptop in the next month or so.

MobilePower's Website

McStunt Burgers

Have you ever noticed that McDonalds employ stunt, or stand-in, burgers for all their advertising? You look up at the menu board and see those beautiful, pristine burgers with their fancy backlighting, then buy one, unwrap it and say, 'WTF!?'. I witnessed an argument between an old man and a serving wench in McD's one day - he had ordered one of 'those' he said, pointing angrily at the board, and they had given him the wrong thing! The poor wench tried to explain that the Big Mac shown on the board was what he had been served, but how much hope of success have you when they look so different? To demonstrate the point, below is an example: The Big Mac on the left is from the McDonalds web site, and the one on the right is a freshly unwrapped one - look carefully and you may spot slight differences between them… found any differences yet…?


That's right, real Big Macs look nothing like the publicity photos! For starters, consider the size - those stunt burgers look about 5 inches tall, whereas the one above, fresh out of the wrapper, measures just 4.5 cm! I invite you to email your own photos of McD food to me - omfgnotyouagain@hotmail.com - so I can include them here. No rigging the shot… the photo must be taken immediately upon unwrapping the food, and within 5 minutes of purchase. There's no need to cheat to show McDonalds what their food really looks like, so tell it just like it is, and the photos will speak for themselves!

Cna uyo rdea sith ko?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Rare Videos

Wow, I found these Star Trek Animated Series videos on Australian ebay, and the starting price is only $20! What a bargain! These are a very rare item these days, and a search of US ebay only turned up one set, starting at 3 times this price! Of course, I found them in the first place because… well, I admit it, I'm the Seller. But honestly, they are rare, and they are definitely worth this asking price. Check them out if you're an Aussie reader - and remember, Only You Can Make Sure Your Kids Get Hooked On Star Trek - by starting them young!

Bargain of the Year

Scumbag of the Year

As some humans come to terms with the loss of their homes and possessions, there are others who act like prowling animals and think of nothing beyond themselves. There are a lot of people out there who are wasting what precious little oxygen is left on the planet by prolonging their useless, pathetic, parasitic life, but the award for Scumbag of the Year has to go to the sad, stupid idiot who stole a firefighting vehicle while the crews were battling bushfires near Hobart yesterday. You don't have to be just spastic to do something like that, you have to be completely heartless and brain-dead as well, and when you get caught and brought up for trial, the Judge needs to ask, "is there any real benefit to society in letting this individual continue living?" I hope they throw the book at you, moron. In fact, I hope they chain you and lock you in a shed then set fire to it, then ring the fire brigade and see if they can get to you on time on foot! You're scum, mate. Do us all a favour and shoot yourself.

The Age story

Bushfire Season

Here we are not even officially into summer yet, and we're experiencing some of the hottest days of ANY season. Across Australia, firefighters have been battling bushfires already, and I predict that the next 3 or 4 months will see one of the worst Bushfire seasons ever in Australia. Last week, my parents went to Hobart to stay for a few days and had to hose down the house while a bushfire burned just 500 metres downhill, on Mount Nelson, which I visited 2 months or so ago with the kids to see some snow. This isn't the first time my Mum and Dad have stayed at a place where there was a fire while they were there, or shortly after. In fact it seems to happen with surprising regularity… Meanwhile, the NSW Police Force knows how to combine business with pleasure, announcing today that a veritable army of police will be spending those long, hot summer days on the beach, supposedly to prevent a repeat of last summer's beach riots. Yeah, sure guys. 'We'd better question those two bikini-clad blondes over there immediately, Constable'. 'About what, Sarge?' 'Gawd I dunno, make something up, quick, before those surfie guys get to them…'

ABC News - Fire threatens Hobart homes

Song Contest Blues

Feel like crud, my path's turned to mud,
Had a lover's spat then stepped on the cat,
Leaking roof, got an aching tooth,
Car broke down miles out of town,
Lightning struck my last living duck,
Mother-in-law is knocking at the door,
Got a flat tyre, the barn caught fire,
The school caught my son playing with a gun,
Mormons turned up, kidnapped my pup,
The oak tree fell over on top of poor Rover,
Washing's all dirty, I'm approaching thirty,
Bank accounts as clean as I've ever seen,
Daughter needs braces, lost big at the Races,
Her boyfriend loves bon-bons but not using condoms,
My wife wants divorce and won't do her chores,
The Parson came by just as she started to cry.
Song Contest, I'm in it and I really want to win,
But how can I write a Blues Song,
When I can't think of anything to put in it!?

IQ test

I'm a bit worried about the mental calibre of the people I'm getting reading my blog, so I thought it was time to weed out the riff-raff with a little test. If you get less than 8 correct, perhaps you would be happier reading some other blog…

Answers below… answer the questions first before you look!

1. Write your name.
2. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
3. In a non-leap year, some months have 31 days, and some 30, but how many have 28?
4. If a doctor gave you three pills and told you to take one every half hour, how long would they last?
5. If you had only one match and entered a room where there is an oil lamp, an oil heater, and kindling wood, which would you light first?
6. A farmer had 87 sheep and all but 21 died. How many did he have left?
7. Divide 30 by half and add 10. What is the result?
8. How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the Ark?
9. If you take 31 apples from 93 apples, how many apples do you have?
10. You drive a bus with 31 people from Oatlands to Hobart, pick up 6 more there, drive on to Campbell Town and drop 5 off, then pick up 4 more and continue to Devonport where 7 get off and 2 get on. Based on this information, what is the bus driver's name?

BONUS QUESTION:
11. Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden for eating… what?

ANSWERS
1. You should have written the words your name as instructed.
2. Yes, they have a 4th of every month, just like everyone else.
3. Twelve. Every month has at least 28 days.
4. One hour, not an hour and a half!
5. The match, obviously.
6. He has 21 left.
7. The answer is 70. 30÷2+10=25, but 30÷1/2+10=70.
8. None. Noah took animals on the Ark, Moses wasn't around.
9. You'd have 31 apples because that's how many you took!
10. The bus driver's name is whatever your name is. 'You drive a bus…'
11. Adam and Eve were evicted for eating 'the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil', not an apple. See Genesis 2:17 if you don't believe me!

Flying High

I haven't blogged for a week or so; I'd like to say it's because things of earth-shattering import have been occupying my limited temporal allotment, but the fact is, I just haven't had anything much to say - for once!

Still, all good things must come to an end, and so I post once more. Today I got a phone call (actually a series of them) from a customer who is also a member of the Exclusive Brethren. In case you don't know, they aren't allowed to use technology, so he asked me to book him some flights from Melbourne to Tassie on the internet for him.

Firstly, Regional Air Express (Rex) told him on the phone (which is also technology, but apparently allowed) they had $104 seats at 8:30 am on November 4th for Melbourne to Burnie, and 6:30 pm on November 8th for the return flight. Except they didn't. Online, I couldn't find any flights on those days at that price. He called them back, they insisted they did, he called me back, I said they didn't, and so it went on. Eventually, I told him that if they said the flights were there on their internet, then they could book them for him, because they weren't showing up on my internet! We should have been looking at the same thing; last time I checked, I wasn't mirroring the entire internet on my computer, but with all the internet-savvy and phone-home software these days, I can't be sure. Perhaps I am and just didn't realise it. That would go part-way to explaining why the terabyte of storage I bought 2 weeks ago is almost full already.

Secondly, when i found the cheapest flights that were available, they came to $396 - plus about $190 taxes and surcharges! What are these surcharges? There was the Domestic Passenger Levy, which I thought was a bit cheeky - even though the airlines are privately owned, I have to pay the government for the privilege of flying in Australian airspace as well. But the second surcharge really got me - the Fuel Excise Surcharge of about $130. Melbourne to Burnie is about 120 km, which would take about $10 of petrol in a car, but I understand that aviation fuel costs more. What it effectively means is that whenever you get on a plane in Australia, you're paying for your own fuel - not as part of your ticket, but completely separately.

So what I want to know is this: When the pilot announces we'll be arriving 10 minutes early because we've had a good wind behind us, surely that means we've used less fuel than expected? So shouldn't the airline be refunding some of our money for the fuel we paid for but didn't use? Next time I fly, at the end of the flight, I'll make a point of asking the pilot how much he owes me and when he's going to pay up.

All Upside Down

Just watched the new Poseidon movie. The original, done way back in the 70's, was full of mistakes, mostly where the set designers had had trouble thinking upside-down or the carpenters just didn't think when making the sets. You'd think in a remake of the film they'd be very careful of that, perhaps even build every set right way up and then flip them. But no, the modern version has a number of similar mistakes as well. About 2 minutes after the ship rolls over, our heroes are crossing an elevator shaft and a grill on the wall is the right way up. Grills have slanted vanes to stop the dust getting inside, but this one, when the ship was upright, would channel the dust into it. And not long after, our intrepid ex-fireman doesn't know basic Rule One of firefighting - aim the extinguisher at the base of the fire, not 4 feet into the air. Good thing the door was hot but the fire had already gone out! And my favourite one of all, the multi-story theatre room with balloons everywhere - which presumably weren't helium-filled and were drooping down sadly before the ship flipped, because the still are now. Guys, helium balloons would still be the right way up! Anyway, you get my drift. Check out moviemistakes.com, a great site for picking the nits out of your favourite movies, if you want to see a few more.

Movie Mistakes - Poseidon

Apple Still #1

First a quick joke: In the Post Office one day the mail sorters see a letter addressed to "God, Heaven", in a child's writing. They open it up and read "Dear God, mum is very sick, can you send $500 to help us out? Signed Johnny." Well, they immediately run around the mailroom showing everyone, they all put in money to help out, and they come up with $350, which they send off to the boy. A week later another letter arrives addressed to God, and they all stop work and gather around to hear what is in it as one of them opens it and begins to read aloud: "Dear God, thanks for the money, I only got $350 of it because you know what thieving bastards those Post Office people are…"

Recently I ordered a Mac Mini, and got up Apple on this blog because their order confirmation said it would take 14 days to ship when their website said 24 hours. I rang them, and said they don't listen to their customers. Here's what happened:

• I emailed a complaint to them and asked them to read the blog entry.
• I received an explanation of the delay by email after they had done so.
• I was asked to fill in a survey of their service even though they knew I wouldn't say nice things.
• I received another email saying my Mac had shipped.
• I received my Mac yesterday.

Shipping to Tasmania always goes through third-party and very slow couriers. This means that not only did Apple listen to me, the customer, but someone at Apple must have moved hell and high water to get it to me so quickly. This was certainly service above and beyond the call of duty. So I certainly won't be like the boy in the joke; if Apple Store staff read this blog again to see if I'm still complaining, let me assure you I'm not! You've done very, very well indeed, and this customer is once again happy. Thank you.

War on Telemarketers

Telemarketers are an absolute pain. But the bad news is that it's our own fault. No matter how cheap the call costs to these organisations (and believe me, they pay next to nothing), they still wouldn't worth doing it if idiots out there didn't encourage them. All of us pay the price, and the only way to stop this method of selling is for every single person to declare war on telemarketing, and refuse to buy their crap. I hate people with scripts on the other end of the phone. After all, isn't the phone for conversation? Would you put up with a friend if all they ever did was continue saying what they wanted to, without ever listening to you? So method number one in the fight is - disrupt the script. Today I got a phone call and it went something like this:

Tm: Hi it's Jane here from the Broadband Company. We're a Telstra service…
Me: Are you part of Telstra or a separate company entirely?
Tm: Oh, er, we're associated with Telstra…
Me: I'm associated with them, too. I'm one of their customers. Is that what you mean in regard to your association?
Tm: We're associated with Telstra to…
Me: So you're a completely separate company with no corporate link to Telstra then?
Tm: Yes, we're offering you…
Me: May I have your ABN [Australian Business Number] please?
Tm: Er, um, I'm not sure what it is…
Me: But as a phone sales company you are required by law to provide it immediately upon request.
Tm: We're calling about our broadband service…
Me: Speed and cost?
Tm: Pardon?
Me: I'm a busy man, speed and cost?
Tm: We have a number of options…
Me: Fastest speed for lowest price. Give me figures.
Tm: Well, er, we have a 256k…
Me: Too slow. Connection AND your answer. Bye.

See how easy it is? Now, if you think of these people as poor battlers struggling to earn a dollar you'll come unstuck and buy something from them out of sympathy. Remember always that every telemarketer owns a private yacht, they are all part of the conspiracy to bring about one world government, and most of them watch porn on their computer screen while selling you stuff. Their children are locked in a cupboard upstairs, and they kill, skin and eat their cat's kittens for tea. Remember this, and you won't have any troubles saying 'No' next time these devil worshippers call.

He Saved the World - Literally!

I noticed a couple of days ago that Google's title graphic had been changed to include a birthday cake, signifying their 8th Birthday. Google regularly commemorates special events in this way, but there is a far more important anniversary than their birthday to celebrate - September 26th is the date that the world would have ended, but for Colonel Stanislav Petrov.

On 26th September 1983, Petrov was in charge of the Soviet Union’s satellite warning systems. This was the height of the cold war, NATO was carrying out its annual tactical exercises, and two weeks before the Soviets had shot down a Korean airliner that had wandered into their airspace. Ronald Reagan was publicly calling the Soviet Union an ‘Evil Empire’, the warmup man at a UK Conservative party rally had opened with the call to “Bomb Russia”, we had Andropov, a former leader of the KGB, as the current ruler of the Kremlin, and every American was digging a backyard bomb shelter. Things were, to put it mildly, on a hair trigger.

At 40 minutes past midnight on the 26th, Petrov looked up and saw a missile launch from a United States silo. You might expect panic at this point, but missile command tends to attract serious, sober types, the type of people who smoke a pipe and sew leather patches on their jackets. Petrov kept his head. He knew the satellite had been reported as suspect and decided to hold off on informing the high command. Then a second missile launch was picked up, and shortly after another, and another and another. Petrov knew that if he waited until he could confirm the launches with ground radar it would be too late for his country, he and his family would die and the Yankees would win the Cold War.

Thankfully, he thought before acting. He reasoned that it was illogical for a surprise attack to launch missiles one after the other – instead you’d launch everything you had and hope to wipe out the enemy before they reacted. He left the launch button alone and thankfully the missiles proved to be ghosts. Millions of people slept peacefully in their beds that night, blissfully unaware of how close they came to fiery death or a worse existence than they could imagine.

Petrov was reprimanded and now lives in the scientific community of Fryazino in Russia. He was honoured in a ceremony at the United Nations and has been been distinguished by two World Citizen Awards. So take some time out today and say your private thanks to the man who saved the world.

Tautologous Places

Tautology is putting extra words in a sentence which mean the same thing, so there is no point having them there. Newspapers, in their bid to pad a story out to a certain number of words, are the worst culprits, and you'll often see phrases like "illegal theft" (all thefts are illegal therefore the word illegal isn't needed), "dangerous speeding" (all speeding is dangerous), "dishonest politicians" (well, you get the idea…)

Here's a list of some real place names from around the world, which you can use as examples when you try to Win Friends and Influence People by telling them what tautology is (just before they punch you for being a smart-***):

River River River Avon, England - Avon, spelled Afon in modern times, is Welsh for river.
River River River Río Guadix, Spain - Río is river in Spanish, Guad river in Arabic and Ix is river in Phoenician.
Long Tidal River River Connecticut River, United States - Algonquin.
Big River River Mississippi River, United States - Algonquin.
Lake Lake Second Lake Rotorua, New Zealand - Many NZ lakes have the "Lake Roto-" form.
Lake the Lake Lake Tahoe, Nevada/California - Washo Native American Tribal language.
Lake Lake Lake Nyassa, Malawi/Mozambique - Yao.
Lakeville Lake Michican, USA - The village is Lakeville, the adjacent lake is Lakeville Lake.
Hill Hill Bredon, England - Celtic/Saxon.
Hill Hill on the Hill Breedon on the Hill, England - Celtic/Saxon.
Mount Mount Big Mount Maunganui, New Zealand - Maori.
Mount Snowy Mountains Sierra Nevada Mountains, California - Spanish.
Hill Hill Hill Hill Torpenhow Hill, England - SW-English, Celtic, Anglo-Saxon, English.
Hill Hill Hill Pendle Hill, England - "Pen" Cumbric language and the suffix "dle" from the Old English language.
Mountain Mountain Mongibello, Sicily, Italy - Latin "Mons" and the Arabic "Gebel".
Peak Peak Summit Peak, New Zealand - The US also has five hills called Summit Peak.
Sheep Islands Islands Faroe Islands, North Atlantic - Faroese.
Island Islands Gili Islands, Indonesia - Sasak.
Many Islands Islands Polynesian Islands, Pacific Ocean - Greek.
The The Tar Tar Pits La Brea Tar Pits, California - Spanish.
Deserts Desert Sahara Desert, Africa - Arabic.
Waterfall Waterfall Waterfall Eas Fors Waterfall on the Isle of Mull in Scotland
Beech Wood Wood Wood Beechhurst Holt Wood, England - Anglo-Saxon.
View View Elementary School Vista View Elementary School, Minnesota - Spanish.
Valley Valley Beqaa Valley - "Beqaa" is Arabic for valley.
The Rock of The Rock of Tariq The Rock of Gibraltar - Arabic.
Town's Town Townsville, Australia - French.
East East Timor-Leste, East Timor - Indonesian/Malay, Portuguese.
Circle Circle Trendle Ring, Somerset, England.

Land of the Long White Cloud

A Luxer called Philip Lyth, from New Zealand, sent me a 'Thankyou' email for a couple of my other maps, so I was inspired to make one for the 'Land of the Long White Cloud'. But after about 3 attempts I still wasn't sure what era to base it on! So with a bit of modern satellite terrain, some notes of Captain Cook's, and borders that are a mix of modern electoral boundaries, Maori tribal boundaries, and just plain made up ones, plus a few inset enlargements because everyone just loves them(!), here it is! With all these mixed elements in the map it shouldn't work, but somehow it does - which sums up modern New Zealand society perfectly. Enjoy.

Apple, Are You Ready?

Top marks to Apple for replying to my queries about the MiniMac I ordered within 24 hours, even though I still object to being told 24 hours on the website and 14 days on the order confirmation email. Let's stop and think, for a moment, about what is going to go through the mind of a huge number of PC users over the next few months.

1. Yah, Windows Vista is out. I want it!
2. But damn, I have to upgrade my computer before it can run Vista. New hardware time.
3. Hmmm, Mac OSX is really a great OS. I can buy an Intel Mac and still run Vista, AND have a Mac too.
4. Great, I'll order an Intel Mac instead.
5. Wait a minute… buy a PC off the shelf in my local store OR wait a month for an Apple…
6. Well, the Mac would be nice but I want it now so… new PC it is.

Right now Apple have 3-4% of the computer market, despite constantly having the most innovative hardware with none of the security holes, bugs and incompatibilities that the PC market has. And the average buyer has to wait 2 weeks for his new Mac. Windows Vista is going to be the best advertisement for the Intel Macs ever, and there are going to be a hell of a lot of people who will use the opportunity to change over, IF THEY CAN! But they CAN'T. Apple struggles to service 3-4% of the market - how are they going to cope with 30-40% in the next couple of years, or 60-70% two years after that?

Apple, sort it out, NOW. There's no point labouring to till soil and plant seed if you let the fruit rot on the branches when harvest time comes!

E-Plates

There's been a lot of talk this week about a proposal that elderly drivers should have to display an 'E' plate, just as Learners are required to have an 'L' one and Provisional riders a 'P' plate. But the question I ask is, "what would be the point?" A Provisional driver looks just like everyone else on the road, so I agree with that; a Learner can even pass for a normal driver unless you happen to see his face, with that eyes-straight-ahead concentration that is often called "Race Face". But the elderly!? If you can't see that the driver up ahead is an elderly one from a distance of at least 100 metres, based on such subtle clues as the 20 kph speed, the "one inch from the gutter" lane position, the indicator left on for the last 10 kilometres, or the brake lights flashing on and off every 3 or 4 seconds, then you shouldn't have a licence either! If your powers of observation of the road, and other people sharing it with you, are so poor that you find yourself within 50 metres of an elderly driver without realising until then that is was one, shame on you, get off the road and stay off.

Driving on the Left

A policeman in Oldbury, West Midlands, England, pulled over a weaving car. "I attempted to speak to the driver, who appeared to be fumbling around with the controls," said the constable. "At that point the passenger leaned across and stated, 'He's blind'."

Sure enough the driver, Omed Aziz, 31, had lost both eyes and three fingers in a bomb blast in his native Iraq, and his passenger was giving him directions so he could steer. Aziz denied charges of dangerous driving, but was convicted and given a three-month prison sentence, which was suspended, plus a three year driving ban. (London Times).

Apparently the judge thinks that should be long enough to grow new eyes.

From This is True

Throwing the First Stone

A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about half a dozen young boys, standing around a dog. Concerned that they might be hurting it or planning to, he went over and asked what was going on. The boys told him that the dog was a stray, and they all wanted to take it home and make it their own, so they'd argued about it, then decided to have a contest. Whoever told the biggest and best lie would get to keep the dog.

The Minister was appalled. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest to tell lies!" he exclaimed, then launched into a long sermon against sinning, lying, cheating and generally being dishonest, starting with "Don't you know it's a sin to lie?" and finally ending with a description of how to live a virtuous, honest life, such as he himself did.

When he finished, there was dead silence for a minute, then the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “Alright Minister, I guess the dog is yours."

Sensational Steve Circus

Yesterday saw live coverage of the memorial service for Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. I always saw him as a fairly ordinary bloke who liked animals and had a good way in front of a TV camera, but boy, did I undersell him. Apparently, he was a Saint who never did anything wrong in his whole life, an Aussie Legend and he Changed Our World. The Prime Minister opened the circus proceedings, and the Show went on… and on… and on. If I ever hear John Williamson singing 'Hey True Blue' again I'll vomit, but hear it I will, because it's fairly obvious the ageing, long out-of-stardom Williamson is hoping that the exposure will make him popular again, as well as making his song standard fare at all future funerals. Brave little Bindi, reading a speech about her Dad, and vowing to continue his work, brought a tear to everyone's eye. And that moving climax, one man slowly loading Steve's ute with all his camping gear, while all the other zoo workers formed an avenue of honour, then his ute disappearing out of the arena… The psychologists after the Show, counselling all of us on how to deal with the trauma our kids will be feeling, without once mentioning the most obvious way - tell them he died and what death is.

I'm not criticising Steve. Quite frankly, I think he would agree 100% with me and stick the finger up at the whole thing. It was a media circus put on by morons for the benefit of total strangers with the emotional maturity of five year olds. Expect that sometime in the coming year 20th September will be officially declared 'Steve Irwin Day', and meanwhile, back at his grave, the earth will continue to be disturbed as Steve turns over in his grave… and over… and over.