War on Telemarketers

Telemarketers are an absolute pain. But the bad news is that it's our own fault. No matter how cheap the call costs to these organisations (and believe me, they pay next to nothing), they still wouldn't worth doing it if idiots out there didn't encourage them. All of us pay the price, and the only way to stop this method of selling is for every single person to declare war on telemarketing, and refuse to buy their crap. I hate people with scripts on the other end of the phone. After all, isn't the phone for conversation? Would you put up with a friend if all they ever did was continue saying what they wanted to, without ever listening to you? So method number one in the fight is - disrupt the script. Today I got a phone call and it went something like this:

Tm: Hi it's Jane here from the Broadband Company. We're a Telstra service…
Me: Are you part of Telstra or a separate company entirely?
Tm: Oh, er, we're associated with Telstra…
Me: I'm associated with them, too. I'm one of their customers. Is that what you mean in regard to your association?
Tm: We're associated with Telstra to…
Me: So you're a completely separate company with no corporate link to Telstra then?
Tm: Yes, we're offering you…
Me: May I have your ABN [Australian Business Number] please?
Tm: Er, um, I'm not sure what it is…
Me: But as a phone sales company you are required by law to provide it immediately upon request.
Tm: We're calling about our broadband service…
Me: Speed and cost?
Tm: Pardon?
Me: I'm a busy man, speed and cost?
Tm: We have a number of options…
Me: Fastest speed for lowest price. Give me figures.
Tm: Well, er, we have a 256k…
Me: Too slow. Connection AND your answer. Bye.

See how easy it is? Now, if you think of these people as poor battlers struggling to earn a dollar you'll come unstuck and buy something from them out of sympathy. Remember always that every telemarketer owns a private yacht, they are all part of the conspiracy to bring about one world government, and most of them watch porn on their computer screen while selling you stuff. Their children are locked in a cupboard upstairs, and they kill, skin and eat their cat's kittens for tea. Remember this, and you won't have any troubles saying 'No' next time these devil worshippers call.