Aztec Festival

Just returned from taking the kids out to the Aztec Chocolate Festival at Latrobe. For those interested in attending next year, don't bother. I rate the whole thing one big Chocolate Starfish. More details later.

Shuttle Shakes

NASA (Need Another Seven Astronauts) today extended the mission of the space shuttle by another day, and added another spacewalk to the schedule. If the astronauts spacewalk any further, they will have walked far enough to have got home without the shuttle. While this could be handy in future missions if the astronauts forget where they parked, it suggests that maybe they might need to walk home. How sure is NASA that the shuttle can get home in one piece? Two shuttles have already been lost (a nice way of saying they fell to pieces), and shortly before the launch, pieces of foam fell off this one because of overnight ice. Has NASA forgotten that its cold in space? Prior to the eventual launch, it was postponed a number of times due to weather, something the shuttle has to pass through a lot of on the way home. This is the Big One for NASA, if anything goes wrong with this mission they are likely to be grounded for a very, very long time, if not forever. So pray that the pilots don't have sudden need of that billion-dollar toilet during re-entry.

Your Horoscope for Today

Today is a good day to look both ways before crossing the road, and you should be careful with your finances because if you spend money today, the stars predict you will certainly have less than you did. Unfortunately, the Guiding Star of your life has turned out on closer inspection to be a chunk of SkyLab still in orbit, so everything you've ever read regarding your horoscopes until now has been wrong. Your lucky number for today is 51,692, which is not a number found in very many lotteries so it isn't going to be much use to you. The influence of Mars and Venus on the conjunction of a four-petalled rose in Melbourne Botanical Gardens will almost certainly have had nothing to do with you getting any phone calls you might receive today. Your lucky colour is 'transparent', but it isn't recommended that you paint the house in it or it may lead to some embarrassing moments when people walk past. On the plus side, you and the other 552,510,503 people in the world who share the same zodiac sign will meet a tall dark stranger, fall instantly in love, get married and be taken away to Penthouse Suite No 12 at 18 Conroy Road, Cambamattin, but the night will turn sour as over five hundred million people keep taking all the blankets from each other all night, not to mention the queue for the toilet. Finally, the Psychic you are going to see on April 8th next year will ring to say she's had to cancel your appointment because her mother will die unexpectedly the day before.

The Sky is Falling

Tasmania has a fox problem. At least, we have if the media are to believed. Or the experts on the Mainland, who say that if we would only believe the problem was real, it would be. Sounds like they've got a ex-Shrink or two on their staff. The fact that there hasn't been one single fox found in the wild since the multi-million-dollar task force was formed 8 years ago to combat the problem doesn't sway them - the latest result of all that wasted money is the supposed discovery that 'environmental vandals' deliberately released 20 or so cubs, though if you're asking why anyone would want to do that, you'd probably be best asking the loonies at this weekend's Psychic Expo in Launceston - you'd probably get a halfway-believable answer, which is more than the authorities have come up with so far. Not to mention that quarantine procedures are so tight in Tassie that you can't even get an apple past the guys doing the checking, yet somehow someone managed to get an entire truckload of yowling, frightened, smelly baby animals through? Was Blind Freddy rostered on at Quarantine that day, with his iPod at full blast and a peg on his nose?

Are there foxes here? Well there been over a hundred sightings, but in this humble writer's opinion that's nowhere near as many sightings as Tasmanian Tigers (and they're listed as completely extinct), just short of the number of sightings of UFO's, and slightly more than the number of sightings of Elvis in Wrest Point Casino's gaming lounge. We've been told for decades that even if there are still Tigers out there, unless they number sufficient for a viable breeding population, ie about five hundred, then they're doomed anyway. Yet somehow one inkling of a possibility of a remote chance of a prospect of an outside chance of there being a fox or two somewhere in the state, somehow amounts to a plague. Yes, the sky is certainly falling, Foxy Loxy - in fact, I think its already hit some people on the head.

Links
Parks & Wildlife Service
Department of Primary Industries and Water
National Geographic

Tourist's Guide to Tassie Part 2 - Latrobe

Latrobe's main claim to fame is that its old and was once a lot bigger than Devonport. In its heyday it had four daily newspapers, whereas these days the council produces an 8 page rag once a month and the entire State has only three newspapers. It has a main street lined with old buildings, just like a thousand other Australian towns, and every second shop is either Antiques or a Bakery. Oh, and despite there being more platypus in many other places, it calls itself the Platypus Capital of the World; better than "Old Derelict Buildings Capital" I suppose. A lot of money has been spent on the grammatically incorrect "Australian Axeman's Hall of Fame" which houses yet one more Dave Foster-established shrine to himself. Down by the river, Bells Parade is a nice picnic area when there's water there, but the council can't decide whether it likes water or not and keeps constructing and demolishing the weir on a regular basis. My advice on Latrobe? Before you go spending good money there, check the back of your yard at home to make sure you haven't got the same 'rare antique' hidden in the junkpile, and bread is cheaper at the supermarket.

Links
Discover Tasmania - Latrobe
Latrobe Council

Declaration of Dependence

Click on the picture above for a larger view

Happy Birthday,
America!

Blog Redesign

Now that I've been on blogspot.com for a whole 2 weeks, I've decided to redesign my blog to a custom look instead of using one of the built-in templates. It should be up in the next day or so, but here's a sneak preview (click on the image for a larger view).

Howdy Neighbours

I notice from the ClusterMap at the bottom of my blog that I've had a few visitors from New Zealand. I'd just like to make it clear that you're not at all welcome. I've worked hard for almost 2 weeks on my blog and I don't want it being ruined by a bunch of sheep-shoving kiwi frodo's. Go look at a geyser or write a new treaty or something.

New Zealand native language translation
E neetice frem the ClesterMip et the bettim of me bleg thet E've hid a few vesitors frem Nee Zeelend. E'd jist leak te meke et clear thet ye're net et ill wilcome. E've wirked herd fer elmist 2 wicks en me bleg ind E den't went et bing reined be a binch ef ship-shiving kiwi frido's. Ge lick et e geyser ir wrete e nee tritty er semething.

PS :) Ne offense meant, neighbours!

Links
New Zealand on the web
Tourism
The Allblacks
Greenpeace flagship 'Rainbow Warrior'

Tourist's Guide to Tassie Part 1 - Devonport

My advice is get off the Spirit of Tasmania and head straight out of town. If you really must see Devonport, here are the main tourist attractions:

Imagine riding on the steam train Puffing Billy in Dandenong, and now imagine the train breaks down soon after the start of the journey so you only cover 2 km. Now take the part of the journey you did complete, take out anything not flat, and replace it with a monotonous view of river mudflats. You've just had a ride on the Don River Railway, Devonport's best-known attraction. Drive around to the Bluff beach and look at some scratches in the rocks some vandals did a long time ago, then wander into the incredibly overpriced non-interactive wooden shed. That's Tiagarra, the Tasmanian aboriginal experience, done. Along the road a bit, after driving past the skate ramp and having abuse shouted at you by the local yobbos with nothing better to do, you'll find the Maritime Museum. Don't bother going in, its been open for a lifetime and no-one has yet. After lunch at the uniquely Tasmanian McDonalds, head for Home Hill where Tassie's only national Prime Minister once lived. Sure it looks like every house in the better Melbourne suburbs, but at least you had to pay to get into this one! Finally, drive up the big hill behind Devonport, go for a short walk to Allison Lookout, and see the city all in one glance. While you're there, scan the place carefully to see if you've missed anything of interest. Nope? Ok, time to hit the highway - its that thing that looks slightly wider than a back street. When you arrive back here in two week's time, be sure to check out the Tourist Information layover just east of the city. Why not check it out now, before you go touring, you ask? Because its on the wrong side of the split highway, so its only useful to tourists about to get back on the Spirit. Don't ask me why.

Links
Discover Tasmania - Devonport
TravelMate - Devonport
Devonport City Council

Uncle Crooked

Yes, some of you have traced my family tree, and its true, my uncle is the famous "Crooked Mick of the Speewah". For the benefit of our Overseas readers, the Speewah is the biggest cattle and sheep Station in Australia. It lies out west of the sunset, and is so big that the men who repair the boundary fences take their wives with them, raise their kids along the way and retire about midway; their sons finish the second half of the job and arrive back at the Homestead to their own retirement, with their own sons ready to start out again.

The trees are so big on the Speewah that the tops are hinged to let the sun past, and it gets so hot there that freezing point is set at 99 degrees. At dusk, the temperature drops so quickly even the mirages freeze over. On the east side of the Speewah it can be so swelteringly hot that drovers need to wear an asbestos suit; the crows fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes, and the dust storms are so thick that you can build a house on them. Folk on that side of the Speewah count themselves lucky when they can start putting water in their tea again. On the west side its so cold that the horses have to be defrosted before you can put their saddles on, and words freeze as they come out of your mouth, so your mate has to pick them up and thaw them on the campfire before he can hear what you said.

My uncle, Crooked Mick, is a giant of a man who was born way back when the Jenolan Caves were just wombat holes and the River Murray was a possum having a pee. He's so big he has to go outside whenever he wants to turn around, eats two sheep for lunch and uses small trees for toothpicks. At birth he started growing so fast his father tried to slow his growth by ring-barking his legs; it didn't work but it did give him a nasty limp, hence his name. Mick is a helluva shearer and works so hard and fast that he keeps a rouseabout busy putting ice cubes in a bucket Mick uses to cool down the shears. One morning the boss told him to hop over and help the Cook; Mick had shorn another thirty-two sheep before his shears touched the floor. Another time, a crow was bothering him by blocking out the sun so he picked up a rock and threw it at the mongrel; the local aborigines complained and told him to put Uluru back where it was. Mick's best mate is Big Bill, the guy who made his fortune on the Broken Hill goldfields cutting up mining shafts and selling them as post holes.

Of course it's not only the men who are big on the Speewah. The mosquitoes have been known to blow out a station hand's candle in the evening while he's reading in his bunk, so they can get started on their bloodthirsty work, and they often steal the blankets to wipe their noses after a feast. There are the giant wombats, rabbits as large as sheep, crows like condors and kangaroos so big they make an emu look like a canary. And there's the famous hoop snake, which grabs its own tail in its mouth, leaps up and rolls after men on horseback. He needs a good horse to outrun one.

Such is life in the great Australian Outback. If any of you are interested, I might tell you how Crooked Mick built the railroad, or about the Great Speewah Flood. Post a comment if you want to hear more.

Links
The Museum of Hoaxes
An Aussie in London
Tall Tales from Around the World

Xevious on PSP?

Question: What happens when you drop your PlayStation Portable in the swimming pool?

I found out the hard way, and it couldn't be replaced under warranty because it was my own fault. So what to do with a dead PSP? Turn it into the world's smallest MAME machine, of course! For those who don't know, MAME stands for Multi Arcade Machine Emulator, that is, a free program that runs all those old arcade machine ROMs. I contacted the makers of the Space Cube, a cool PC that measures only 2 x 2 x 2.2 inches in size, and asked did they have one that was cosmetically damaged but running. I explained what I wanted it for, they were only too happy to sell it to me at a discount when they found out, because they were as interested as I was to see if it could be done. In order to fit all the components into my PSP case, I had to strip the PC of all its ports, cut extra ventilation holes into the back of the case (ventilation remains a problem, the unit still tends to run hot), bump up the flash memory capacity, and fit a (stripped down) SD card reader. I then copied all my game ROMs onto 4 gig SD cards. Remapping the PSP controls to the PC was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be, eventually I gave up on the PSP signals and installed membrane switches directly onto the PCB under the PSP controls. This meant I had to move quite a few components of the PC which were already in place, and that would have been next to impossible if I hadn't used Schmartboards for the project. It took a fair bit of tweaking, but I finally got the whole thing fully functional - the world's smallest MAME machine, and the only PSP with 3,412 games at your fingertips!

Links
Space Cube
MAME Net
SchmartBoards

Fraud from Snowy River

All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far, had mustered at the homestead overnight, for the bushmen love hard riding where the wild bush horses are, and the stock-horse snuffs the battle with delight. And the man from Snowy River? That legend of Australian horsemanship? Through the stringy barks and saplings, on the rough and broken ground, down the hillside at a racing pace he went; and he never drew the bridle till he landed safe and sound, at the bottom of that terrible descent. Yes, to this very day, where around the Overflow the reedbeds sweep and sway to the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide, the man from Snowy River is a household word today, and the stockmen tell the story of his ride.

Except he was a fraud! Yes, the terrible truth is out, for the researchers here at WorldWierdWeb have uncovered just how he was able to make that legendary steep descent. Using lodestones, the so-called legend simply magnetized the iron horse-shoes of his mount! Modern satellite photography reveals the mountainside to be almost solid iron ore. The horseshoes clung to the slope like glue, as the two photos below, taken by another rider on that day and only recently found, prove.


Oh yes, there was movement at the Station, for the word had got around, that all the gullible stockmen had been fooled, and all the men and drovers gathered feathers whips and tar, for their warmth toward the 'Legend' had been cooled…

Links
The Man from Snowy River
The Man from Ironbark
Mulga Bill's Bicycle

No Dams!

Water exists to run free - to fly amongst the clouds as vapour, or to plunge into a rapid stream and frolic its way to join the rest of its kind in the oceans, or perhaps take a more sedate pace as part of a great migrating river. But the sad truth is that all across Australia, millions of litres of water are being held prisoner. In dams hidden down in the farm valleys, in corrugated tanks tucked out of sight behind houses, even in bottles, locked in refrigerated chests. Some water is tortured by being made to wash away human sewerage, or by being frozen in special trays until it turns solid. In industrial areas, humans attempt to poison the waters with chemical waste, and country-wide, humans actually ingest the peaceful liquids. The time has come to put a stop to this sadistic torture and to return the water to the wild. This is why WaterPeace is embarking on a campaign of dynamiting dams wherever and whenever it finds them. You can help the cause, too. Whenever you see water being contained, free it. Remove the lids from bottles, blow up dams, and swear that from today, you will not drink any more. The waters cannot do it themselves. They need your help!

Here lies the body of Willie Smith,
the boy who, alas, is no more;
He thought what he drank was H2O
But it was H2SO4!

Links
UNESCO Water Facts
NPS River and Water Facts
Water - Every Drop Counts
Tasmanian Wilderness Society Franklin River Campaign

Letter from Africa

OK we makin a ricket on de Peace Corpse lot, turn out dey ain't de advance guard o' de 17th/21st Nigerian Light Horse wid big eyes on de radio station an' de late Indian supermarkets, an' dey ain't Israelis, neither, so what? Don't mean they ain't subversives, comin' down here an' interferin' wid de smoothe runnin' o' de Dark Continent, an' it don't mean dey ain't marines, neither, can't let a load o' marines slip through de net jus' on account o' they got de American passport, you think de Adolf Hitler wot already bin pubberlickly admired by me woulda got to de top if he botherin' readin' every bit o' paper wot land on 'is desk? Sit aroun' readin' six million passports, before you know it de oven gone out, Second Front openin' an' you never gittin' around to de 'orrible bit. All de top SS men, you spend a fortune on de trainin' an' flash uniforms etcetera, all standin' aroun' lookin' at de watches wonderin' why no-one turnin' up, ain't no way to run a progressive country.

Got no time for de Peace Corpse. Load o' freakies only comin' over here on account of we growin' de good stuff, couple o' deep puffs, feel like your head got legs. Soon as dey finished, dey starts bombin' roun' de countryside tryin' to pull de good works, gittin' de people all confused wid de irrigation schemes an' de intensive dairyfarmin' an' followin' 'em roun' wid de tape recorders tryin' to grab fust rights on de folk songs, before you know it, everybody sittin' roun' on de groun' shoutin' crap like "We all brudders, yeah, yeah, we into de peace bag, man, everybody gittin' to love one anudder, dat de way it is, we ain't gonna be moved, black an' white together, wow, heavy, man, and so forth." Fat lotta use, who de hell want de peace stuff, gimme de Gaddafi way, he comin' over here with de Kalachnikov 9mm machine gun in de brown carrier bag an' he showin' everyone how you blows a head off at five hunnerd yards, dat de sort o' foreign aid we lookin' for. Where Africa gonna be, everyone sittin' roun' on de bum an' lookin' at de artesian wells, all it git you is a load o' long grass. Ain't no use havin' long grass unless you gonna creep through it wid a view to puttin' in de bayonet. How else you gonna rule de worl' What I want to know is, wot Unca Sam done wid de half million soldiers he pullin' outa Vietnam, also guns, tanks, choppers, Phantoms, bombs, etcetera? All we gittin' is a lotta Harvard rubbish in de granny glasses wid de hair on de shoulders goin' round shovin' test tubes in our cows an' knockin' 'em up. Ain't no way to build a empire.

Link
Collected Bulletins of President Idi Amin

Ogle Beta Announced

Click on the picture above for a better view

The guys at Ogle have finally acknowledged what everyone really uses ImageSearch for. Its still in the beta stage of course (what Ogle service isn't?) but we've got a snapshot of the main screen here, which as you can see doesn't differ much from the standard ImageSearch. Also announced were replacements to the "Did you mean…" algorithms when you type something wrongly. In future, instead of suggesting something, Ogle will automatically forward you to dictionary.com. Cookies will keep track of how many typing mistakes you make, and if you reach a yet-to-be-determined threshold, your IP will be banned from Ogle until you have reached a competent standard in OgleLearnToTypeYouMoron, soon to be released as well. Don't forget to check out GoodleNews, the news service which only lists good news.

Links
Dictionary.com
Goodle News - news with only the good stories included

Quake at the Smog

The thing about Los Angeles that I find very strange is that they have these smog alerts, and they recommend you stay indoors. Wouldn't you think that the air in the house comes from outside anyway? I mean I rang a friend there and had him go right through the place, he found the gas pipe, the electrical wiring, the water pipes - but nowhere did he find any air pipes. He checked his utility bill to be sure, and he wasn't charged for any air, but its only a matter of time before the City corrects that oversight! But for now, isn't it weird that they can say to their kids, "C'mon, I want you to get some fresh air! Everyone inside!"

Los Angeles and San Francisco are moving towards each other at a rate of 1/5 inch per year. It wouldn't surprise me to find that the City has no real plan for handling the 'Big One' but has already worked out who will be in charge of what borough and which of them gets the taxes, when the two cities do finally meet.

Someday soon, the San Andreas Fault is going to open up like the world's most accurate fortune cookie. There'll be thick noxious clouds of sulphurous smoke, foul choking dust from the depths of volcanic hell. The ground will cave in and the 'Lower Side' of town will be about 3 miles 'lower'. And all the radio will say is "Heavier than usual smog alert today, folks, and watch out for those new pot-holes on Main, that first one's a doozy." You've got the San Andreas fault, Owens Valley fault, Garlock fault, Banning fault, San Jacinto fault, the Pinto Mountain fault… in fact, over 230 different faults in the area. Why hasn't anyone marked this state 'Return to Manufacturer'? I mean come on, its faulty. Head down to your local church and tell the priest you want it fixed!

According to the Southern California Earthquake Data Center, the last major ruptures were in 1857 and 1906, and the mean interval between major ruptures is 100-150 years. Sleep well everybody!

Links
Southern California Earthquake Data Center
A long and complete list of faults in the area

Of Interest

Do you know that 'bird flu' was discovered in Vietnam 9 years ago? That barely 100 people have died in the whole world in all that time? That TAMIFLU is supposed to be a preventative? That TAMIFLU barely alleviates symptoms of the common flu? That its efficacy against flu is questioned by a great part of the scientific community? That against a supposed mutant virus such as H5N1, TAMIFLU barely alleviates the illness? That to date Avian Flu affects ONLY birds?

Do you know who markets TAMIFLU? Roche Laboratories.
Who bought the patent for TAMIFLU from Roche the year bird flu was discovered? Gilead Sciences.
Who was the president of Gilead and remains a major shareholder? DONALD RUMSFELD, Secretary of Defence of the USA.
Do you know that sales of TAMIFLU were over $254 million in 2004 and more than $1000 million in 2005?

Links
Urban legends site snopes.com
The Tamiflu story

John Howard Interview

World Wierd Web was fortunate enough during the week to be able to interview Australian Prime Minister John Howard, following rumours that he had been sacked from the Liberal Party (reported on Comedy Inc on Wednesday night).

Mr Howard, thanks for joining us.
No worries mate.
Why did your second-in-command sack you yesterday?
Well, he's short a couple of kangaroos in the top paddock.
Come again?
He's a few bricks short of a backyard BBQ mate.
You mean he's stupid?
That's what I just said. The lights are on but no-one's home. Sounds like you could do with an answering machine yourself in that regard, mate.
You're saying I'm stupid too?
Well if the thong fits… anyway why are you making such a fuss about it, it happens all the time.
The last time a Prime Minister was sacked was 1975.
Like I said, all the time.
Why DID you get sacked?
Ah well apparently everyone else joined the Liberal Party because they thought it was some sort of drunken free-love get-together, and I wouldn't let them have enough fun.
DID you ever have fun in the Party?
Yeah sure, we introduced that new Industrial Relations legislation last year that means no-one has any rights any more... that was a good one.
Will you be appealing your sacking?
No, I can't.
Why not?
Well cause we introduced this new Industrial Relations legislation last year…
Oh yes, I see the problem. Well what are you going to do now?
Go on the dole mate.
Unemployment benefits? Will you be able to live on that considering you're used to a $112,000 a year salary plus about twice that in Allowances?
Well I haven't checked how much the dole is yet but our Policies say its enough to live on so I figure it must be close.
It's $10,000 per year.
Yeah good one mate, no-one could live on that. Average rent in Canberra is gonna cost me $13,000 a year! You should join the Liberal party with a sense of humour like yours.
Why do you mention renting a place. Aren't you married?
Well I was, but she left me yesterday.
How come?
Well we passed Legislation banning same-sex marriages.
But she's a woman and you're a man, what's that got to do with anything?
Dunno, but she got mad when we passed it and went to stay with her friend Lola. She spends quite a bit of time with Lola.
You don't think she might be a lesbian?
No, she was born here in Australia. She's never even been to Lesbia.
Where is Lesbia?
I don't know. Ask the Navy.
I can't, they're all up north patrolling our borders. Why the increased presence up there?
Because we don't trust the Chinese. They're making nuclear weapons flat out like a lizard drinking.
Where are they getting the uranium?
Australia's selling it to them.
Why?
For money of course, why else do you sell something?
But what about the nuclear weapons?
Oh, they're not making them from our uranium - that's for power plants… I think.
Can't you ring them and find out for sure?
Well I tried, but the phones aren't working too well these days.
Why not?
Because we sold off Telstra to private enterprise and the only way they can make a profit is to not do maintenance.
Aren't they talking about installing completely new high-speed infrastructure throughout Australia?
Yes absolutely.
But they can't afford to even maintain what they've already got?
That's right.
Then how will they be able to afford it?
Not sure, you'd have to ask the Treasurer that. Give him a call after the interview, his tin number is 12.
You mean his phone number?
No, tins with tight string between them. We installed them throughout Parliament House, work heaps better than the phones.
What direction do you think the Liberal Party will take now that you're not their Leader any more?
Oh, dunno really. Probably have more drunken free-love parties.
Doesn't that worry you?
No, if they want to adopt the Labor Party's Code of Behaviour that's their business now.
Mr Howard, thanks for your time.
No worries mate… listen you couldn't spot me a hundred or two could you, I'm a bit short until I get to the dole office on Monday?
Actually I have nothing on me at the moment. Can't you borrow some from one of your ex-Party mates? There's the Treasurer now…
HIM!? He's never got any money!
Why not?
Slips through his fingers like sand through a duck's back, mate. Can't budget. Hopeless with money!
But he's the Australian Treasurer!
Yeah, but he's lousy with money.
Then why is he Treasurer!?
Well he's a lot of fun at the drunken free-love parties.
Mr Howard, we really must end there. Good luck in the future.
Yeah thanks… look are you sure you haven't got anything on you…?

Links
Official Site of the Prime Minister
National 'John Howard Day' Proposed

Debating Creation

Ok the gauntlet has been thrown down and the challenge opened. Some comments on digg.com got me thinking about which of the two alternatives, evolution or creation, I believe and why. So I opened a challenge, throw me any argument in favor of evolution and I will see what I can dig up for or against it. Just leave a comment to this post. Hit me with your best shot, people!

Link
Digg.com Comments Page

Message in a Bottle

I went for a walk along Cliché Beach this afternoon and was lucky enough to find a bottle with a message in it! The note inside read…

Hello, this is Harold Holt, the Australian Prime Minister who disappeared without a trace when I went swimming at Cheviot Beach in 1967. I wasn't kidnapped by aliens or smuggled aboard a Chinese submarine, I accidentally fell down a deep hole in the floor of the ocean and couldn't find my way up again because the Liberal Party didn't have a Policy on it. I have been trapped down here in the middle of the earth for almost 40 years. Can you please tell those Russian guys who were digging a really really really deep hole to hurry up a bit as I can't hold my breath for much longer. When I get out can I please be Prime Minister still, only I never resigned you know so its not fair someone else doing it while I was otherwise occupied, that's cheating that is. If there is someone else who thinks he is Prime Minister I will meet him and his friends behind the changerooms after Parliament and sort it out man to man.

Links
The Harold Holt mystery
Deep hole project